community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
