well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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