Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
