So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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