Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
