Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
