This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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