somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
