I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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