i jhust puked up my retainher.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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