Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
