then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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