He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
