Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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