i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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