Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
