i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
