I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
that is very illegal...i love you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
