Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
