wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
