I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
