I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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