I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
