I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
