its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
