you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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