Can i not drive my cunt home
you mean i was at the winter classic?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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