We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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