I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
