Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
