Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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