They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
