16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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