guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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