dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
