I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city