Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just google imaged poop.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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