ya dads aren't the best wingmen
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Rumble strips road head = magical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
