I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
