If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
