I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
