tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
