We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
