Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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