I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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