something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
