Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
