I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
