im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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