Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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