Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
