just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
