Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
