This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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