I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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