I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
