I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
