Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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