im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
