That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
