i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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