I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
