I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
