so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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