All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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