how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
