Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
