You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
