you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
