Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
